Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Dolphins, Jerks of the Sea: Part 2

Dolphins! So winsome and likeable, also, such jerks. Last time we covered the lascivious malignancy of these beloved creatures. And while I love the horny sacks of blubber, the juicy details of their transgressions are too good to keep out of the blog. This time we're going further into the seedy underbelly of Dolphin life with....

Part 2: Ruthless Killers

[WARNING: if you're under 18 you should make sure reading this is ok with your parents, that means you Wallace, if your parents haven't looked at this blog yet they should.]

Now, the murderous impulses of Dolphins is going to cover a couple of weeks here, so we'll just get started here with murder based on racism.

That's right, Dolphins are racist pricks. *Pause for GASP* Not all dolphins, and in the history of every human on this earth is an ancestor who killed someone in another tribe. That's just the honest truth of how human society evolved so get over it.

Dolphins have often been accused of killing other cetations, porpoises specifically, and engaging in vicious war against other pods of dolphins of the same and different species.

The differences between dolphins, porpoise and whale species are pretty specific, but basically, if it's less than a certain number of feet long on average the cetation species is a porpoise, if it's on average longer than that but smaller than a Killer Whale, it's a dolphin, and longer than that you've got a whale species. These species, despite occasional violence will often pod together when migrating and get along well together in captivity. Often morale among whales and dolphins actually increases in captivity when more than one cetation species is housed together.

My point here is that the species here are pretty similar, yet dolphins will brutally attack porpoises. That's a jerk move.

Of course, this won't shock you at all when you read next weeks installment...

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